What is it with mediocre men losing their shit at the thought of their wives outearning them? I thought they were supposed to be the more rational of the sexes. Logical, able to see the best outcome and the path to get there. You’d think if you marry, “two become one”, all that fuzzy crap. Yeah no with all this Tate shit about how females this females that with demanding six figures..I think the facts speak for themselves that it’s men who are the ones losing their collective shit when their wives don’t fall in line with conforming to traditional gender norms.
From ChatGPT, because I simply cannot be bothered to summarize all this, so imma lay it to you straight:
“Here’s a thorough, evidence-based, and deeply human look into how some men react when their wives out-earn them — touching on resentment, attraction, divorce risk, and fragile masculinity.
🔥 Part 1: The Ego Trap — Men and Wives Who Out-Earn Them
💸 1. Statistically, Men Are More Likely to Lie About It
- A 2019 paper published in The Quarterly Journal of Economics found that men systematically overreport their own income and underreport their wife’s.
- Why? Because it challenges traditional male breadwinner norms, even if they’re not conscious of it.
💥 2. The Tipping Point: When She Earns Just a Bit More
- One of the most fascinating and disturbing findings: divorce risk increases sharply when a wife earns just over 50% of the couple’s income.
- The 2020 American Sociological Review shows that the moment a woman becomes the primary earner, relationship satisfaction declines — but largely on the man’s side.
👨🦲 3. Loss of Masculine Identity
- Many men tie their identity and self-worth to being providers. So when their wives out-earn them:
- They withdraw emotionally.
- They may exert more control in other areas (chores, sex, decision-making).
- Or they engage in compensatory behaviors like cheating, picking fights, or belittling her success.
- They withdraw emotionally.
🥀 Part 2: Attraction, Sex, and Subtle Resentments
🛏️ 1. Loss of Sexual Interest from the Husband
- Studies (e.g., from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) suggest that men feel emasculated when their partner’s success reminds them of their own underachievement.
- This can translate into:
- Withholding affection or sex as a power move.
- Feeling “mothered” by a more successful wife, thus psychologically killing erotic desire.
- Withholding affection or sex as a power move.
🤐 2. Backhanded Comments and Passive Aggression
- Wives report partners saying things like:
- “It’s not like you work hard for that salary.”
- “You wouldn’t have gotten that promotion if you weren’t a woman.”
- Or they minimize achievements: “Okay but don’t expect me to throw a parade.”
- “It’s not like you work hard for that salary.”
💔 Part 3: Divorce, Resentment & Emotional Recoil
📉 1. Increased Divorce Risk
- A Harvard study analyzing heterosexual marriages over several decades found:
- If the husband is not employed full-time, divorce risk is 33% higher.
- It wasn’t the wife’s income that caused issues — it was the deviation from gender norms.
- If the husband is not employed full-time, divorce risk is 33% higher.
🧊 2. They Become “Colder” Over Time
- Many women in forums like r/TwoXChromosomes or r/Marriage share:
- Their husbands become increasingly cold, sarcastic, or withdrawn as their earnings grow.
- They get accused of being “too career-focused,” “too masculine,” or “less nurturing.”
- Their husbands become increasingly cold, sarcastic, or withdrawn as their earnings grow.
🗣️ 3. Some Men Say It Straight Up
Here are real quotes pulled from online forums:
“I just feel like I’m not needed anymore. She makes more, she’s confident… I don’t know what I’m here for.”
“She talks about work too much. I liked it better when she was humble.”
“It feels like she wears the pants now. I didn’t sign up to be second place in my own house.”
🎭 BONUS: Toxic Reactions in the Wild
🌪️ 1. Sudden Insecurity and Sabotage
- Some husbands start spending recklessly to assert financial dominance.
- Others quit their jobs without telling their wives — forcing the woman to carry the household financially and emotionally, then blame her for being “cold” or “bossy.”
👀 2. Infidelity
- Anecdotally and in some studies, male infidelity increases when the wife out-earns.
- The suspected reasons:
- They seek validation from someone who makes them feel dominant.
- It’s a misguided ego reset: “I may not be the breadwinner, but I can still ‘pull’ women.”
- They seek validation from someone who makes them feel dominant.
🧠 The Psychology Behind It
- Traditional gender norms die hard.
- Many men feel threatened not because they’re malicious—but because their internalized value system is cracking.
- They haven’t been emotionally trained to support women in power without losing their sense of self.
“
Even ChatGPT makes excuses for shithole male behavior. “Many men feel threatened not because they’re malicious—but because their internalized value system is cracking.”
What value system exactly, Mister ChatGPT? One that prioritizes the fragile feelings of men over accepting the decision that benefits *everyone*?
About a year ago my husband was having a tough month in his sales job that used to be kind of cushy. I offered to take on some freelance projects. Lo and behold, despite working only two ish hours a day, I managed to earn twice as much as he did that month. He led me to believe that he was proud of me. What I thought was bragging I’ve come to realize was him sulking over his own self-imposed pressure to be breadwinner.
What do you think happened? He pressured me to spend money on not just one–but TWO fancy trips to a resort that is about an hour away.
Did I give in? You betcha! Didn’t know any better back then. 😂
After that, he began RECKLESSLY spending whatever money came his way. Pokemon cards, (“because who knows, maybe they’ll have value one day!”) toys he couldn’t buy as a kid, and now that he’s in America, he goes to Ross like a bored housewife every weekend to buy things that he claims are for beautifying the house, such as pillows that say “If God took you to it he will bring you through it”. Useless platitudes that Republican Christian old ladies with pink hair would like. Hobby Lobby adjacent knick knacks. You get the idea. He also insists that he’s working hard to save up “eight thousand dollars” (some arbitrary figure) before he can feel safe buying plane tickets for me and our son to return to America. Last weekend, he planned a trip to visit NASHVILLE but he ended up staying home since no one else had the money to go. At this point, I am shocked he didn’t generously offer to pay for everyone!!!
How do these guys THINK??? They act like money comes and goes and isn’t the lifeline of our FUTURE! And they say we’re irresponsible with money?? Most cultures, even the most patriarchal ones, insist that upon marrying, the husband must surrender his entire salary to his wife.
To this day, I have no access to his bank account. I don’t even want a card attached to it, I just wanna know wtf is going in and out of his accounts!!! Like, let me crunch numbers, at least! Or is he hiding something? 🫣
Only time will tell. Until next time:
I LOVE MY HUSBAND, BUT….
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